Its 1130pm. Las Vegas time. Almost winter. Listening to Ed Sheeran.
Meeting tomorrow at 10am with Sarah. Which simply means I have to think about the new research project that we will work on. Yes, it is a neverending story. The work never stops. Well, sometimes I’m glad it doesn’t. It helps me not to think about trivial stuffs.
I still think about her. All the time. It is still hard. I am sorry if I’m a disappointment. The fact that I’ve lost the one true person who will love me regardless is just so gut wrenching. I talk less now. I seemed to have lost all purpose of being. And no one, who never lost a mother will understand this. No one.
I still imagine the hospital scene. I still remember the last texts. I still remember my brother’s voice. I still remember everything. So vividly. The sharp pang is still there. As always. I don’t think it will ever go away. I don’t think I will ever move on.
Let’s talk about something else.
Lately, he seems to occupy my mind. I know it is a form of escapism of the mind. A strong escapism that is. My heart will skip a beat whenever there’s new pictures of him on facebook.
*by the way I should go watch Judge – Robert Downey Jr.”
He came all the way after office hours. All the way simply means an hour from his office – my former office. Thank you. I really appreciate that. We managed to settle our long overdue promises. Why him?
Because he is adorable. He makes me smile like a small kid. 🙂 and smiling is something that’s really hard for me to do nowadays. Why are we separated by 15 thousand kilometres across the ocean? I don’t really know. Although I would understand that it would probably suck worse if we’re so close to each other and separated by our own egos.
Was there sparks? I don’t know. I can’t really tell. Physically yes. Mentally? Maybe if I weren’t too tipsy. We did had coffee in his hometown. Again, he came despite not having his own car. A very very simple man. Very very impressive on paper. But its his brokenness that makes him extra attractive. To me.
Broken. From one broken soul to another. I can relate.
Will fate cross our paths again? Highly unlikely.
I miss you. With all my heart and soul. I am just tired.
My heart is tired. Heal me. Mend me.
Que sera sera…
“Should you be the last thing that I see…
I want you to know it’s enough for me
Who that you are is all I ever need”
I wish the times we had together could be frozen in time. It’s the only thing that makes me feel so alive nowadays.